Mental Illness
by Devil's Backbone
Summary: “Just die already.”, and I don’t know what possessed him in that moment, but he actually slapped me after saying those horrible words. Suicide fic.
1. Despair

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, only Yuki's feelings and this story.

Warnings: M/M, angst, cutting, mental illness, caring Yuki!!

* * *

Shuichi's POV 

-

Hi. My name is Shuichi Shindou. I'm 24 year old, 1,65m tall and the lead singer in a band called Bad Luck.

I want to tell you a little story about my life. It's not a big deal, but I fear this might be my only and last chance to write on Yuki's computer. My hands are getting numb, so please read my story.

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Recently, my life has been a little complicated. I'm working my ass off, singing every single day. My crazy manager, K, is always kidnapping me in the morning and dragging me off to NG studio, where I'm recording my songs. Sometimes, I'm even singing at concerts. That's always an amazing experience. People are always jumping and yelling, squealing and shouting how good I am. It's kind of a good feeling. One of the few moments when I'm actually happy.

But the only person I want to hear it from is my lover.

But he never tells me.

Instead, he's always telling me to shut up, to leave him in peace and quit bugging him.

To disappear.

That's what he said yesterday, and the day before that.

And so many other times.

He told me to die. If you don't believe me, here are his exact words;

"Damn brat! You're always such a nuisance. Quit bugging me, and piss off!"

"Just **die **already.", and I don't know what possessed him in that moment, but he actually slapped me after saying those horrible words. My cheek hurts, but what's worse, my heart aches even more.

Yuki stared weirdly at his hand. The hand that had the honour of hitting his stupid and worthless lover. I didn't have time to analyze his expression; I just had to get out of there, and that fast.

To do his bidding.

And I've tried, I assure you. I don't know how much I've tried. I knew I couldn't leave Yuki voluntarily, so I had to do the other thing he said.

First, I cut myself. Seven cuts on each arm, some of them pretty serious. I think I was gone in two seconds, before Hiro found me and brought me to the hospital. I will never forgive him for that.

I didn't die then.

After that, I've tried to drown myself in the sea. I bound my legs, so I wouldn't manage to swim up again on reflex. I think I actually saw a light, before someone dragged me up from the water. It was K. I despise him so much.

I didn't die then either.

Finally, I tried to jump of a building. This time, it was my lover who tried to rescue me. I didn't see his face when he screamed for me to stop. I didn't turn around when he tried to grab my arm and yank me back to safety, to his safe arms. It was too late.

But as the idiot I am, I choose to jump from a block with only 4 floors.

I jumped from Yuki's block.

I jumped….

…

Everything seemed to stop. When I fell, I saw my entire life flash before me, from my birth, the beginning of life, to this point, my ending. Above me, Yuki was screaming, but I didn't hear him. I didn't hear anything. I couldn't think anything.

I didn't see any light this time. Only blackness and it was consuming me.

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_Light shall find the one who seek__s it_

_There will always be light_

_-_

I hear a loud beeping sound in the distant. It's so annoying.

"_Turn it off. Please turn it off._"

I opened my eyes, and scanned the room I apparently was placed in. Everything was painted in white and the smell was intoxicating, in a bad way. How depressing.

I sighed. Yuki was right all along. I'm nothing but an incompetent loser.

I didn't manage to die now either.

Some people in white coats enter the room. They're examining me, asking me questions, but I don't feel like answering them. Mainly because I can't.

I'm so numb and I can't move my body.

Suddenly, I hear a loud, familiar voice yelling my name. And there he stands.

My lover. My white knight in shining armour.

He fights the doctors and nurses, trying approach me. I want him to. Can't those stupid people leave us alone? I want my Yuki. I want to be with my only love.

I don't want to see my parents

I don't want to see my sister

I don't want to see Hiro, or any other of my friends.

I want my lover.

Finally, Yuki manage to get through those stupid quacks. He sits down by my bed and takes my hand, caressing it gently.

And he kissed it.

He kissed my hand!

I can't believe it! He actually kissed my hand!! Oh Yuki.

And he's whispering some words, comforting words, and it almost makes me cry.

"Everything is going to be fine."

"Just don't give up."

"I'm here."

"I'm so sorry.". His voice is drunk with regrets, and his eyes are glistering with unshed tears.

That's my last vision, before I fell unconscious again.

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_Five days later_

_- _

Five minutes have passed since I came home with Yuki. Or, well, not _my _home. Yuki always said that I didn't belong here after all. What was I thinking? Of course this is not my home.

But still, Yuki did take me here.

Before we left the hospital, I heard a loud argument between Yuki and my parents. My mom and dad wanted me to come home with them, but my blonde lover refused. Yuki was fighting for me! He wanted me to come with him, to his apartment.

I don't know how the argument ended, but Yuki was taking me with him, so I guess my folks didn't mind too much. Or maybe they didn't have any choice. Who knows?

I find myself giggling slightly. When Yuki wants something he gets it, no matter what.

And I'm so happy he wants me.

-

He carries me inside his apartment, cradling me closely, like I would disappear if he didn't. I love being held in those strong arms. It makes me feel safe and wanted.

And he's saying those words. Those words I always wanted to hear when I come home from work.

"Welcome home, baka."

And he says it so gently while he's kissing my forehead. I can't believe this is the same Yuki who yelled at me and called me names for less then six days ago. What a change.

And he also said that this is my home.

If I knew he would act like this, just because I tried to kill myself, I would have done that a long time ago.

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Two weeks have passed since the incident. I can barley move. My body is still paralyzed.

But seriously, I don't mind.

Yuki have never paid so much attention to me as he has these last two weeks. I'm even allowed to sleep in his bed now.

Every nigh, he would gently tuck me in and kiss my lips softly, (and I got to say, I love it when he kisses me gently, without having to ask him) before he goes to the bathroom. He thinks I can't hear anything anymore, but I do.

I can hear him when he cries behind the bathroom door.

I can almost hear the fat drops of tears hitting the floor.

And when he does, I want to cry with him.

But I can't.

It's almost like a ritual now. Every time after he tucks me into bed, he goes to the bathroom and cries alone. When he comes out, he's laying himself next to me, holding me close to his body.

And he's saying those three, little words I've been dying to hear. It was like my call in life to hear those words from my most important person. And now, he's saying them.

"I love you."

Finally, I'm able to cry with him.

* * *

Wow, my first angsty story. Don't know how that went….Think it was too fluffy-- 

Well, if you like it, please tell me.

**By that I mean review. **

Next chapter will be told from Yuki's POV. Maybe you will get some answers, like why Yuki was such a bastard in the beginning, and his feelings for what happened. I promise you, he's going to suffer, hehe. (No offence. I love Yuki, but I love a regretful Yuki even more)

In other words, everything in the story happens for a reason. If you think the beginning was weird, you will see why in third chapter. Well most likely.

But I will post the chapter after 11 reviews, or more.

Devil's Backbone


	2. Regrets

Disclaimer: Don't own Gravitation, just this story and emotions within, and the little voice. You'll see when you get there.

Warnings: M/M(really?), Yuki/Shuichi, attempted suicide, Yuki angst.

And I hope you've brought kleenex with you.

* * *

Yuki's POV 

-

Shit, what the hell do I do with this? My deadline is tomorrow, and I'm haven't even finished the seventh chapter. Fuck!

I know I would have been able to finish this if I wasn't so damn worried about the brat. He was supposed to come home around seven, and guess what? Now, it's nine.o clock. And he hasn't even called me yet. Stupid punk…

I find myself going to the kitchen. Beer is always a good solution, no matter what the situation may be. Beer and cigarettes.

My two best friends.

But that's not enough to stop the tears from falling. What the hell is wrong with me? I want my brat back.

Suddenly, I hear someone open the main door, and an annoying voice penetrates the apartment.

"Yuki!! I'm home!!" 

I stare at my cup of coffee. He's home. The stupid, fucking kid is finally home.

My emotions and thoughts are whirling around my brain and body, creating a wave of happiness, relive and….

Anger.

I dry my tears with the back of my hand. He's home, so stop crying, Uesugi!!! Go to him! Tell him how much you've missed him.

_Tell him how much you love him!_

My conscious screamed at me with such might and fury, I was almost afraid I might faint.

If I knew what would happen next, maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

He embraced me from behind, still squealing like a little schoolgirl. My adorable Shuichi. My beautiful Shuichi.

You deserve everything good in this world. That's what I want to tell you.

I find myself turning around, placing the still hot cup on the table. Shuichi's staring hopefully at me, like he's waiting for something. Maybe for a confession on my side? Maybe he's hoping that I will finally tell him how much I love him?

_Tell him! Tell him now!!_

I open my mouth and….

"Piss off."

I can feel my conscious, hitting my heart and brains altogether.

His expression changes. Now, he's looking at me like a wounded puppy.

Cause that's how I make him feel. Isn't it? Useless. Weak. "_Pathetic."_

The last word slipped from my tongue. He pouts; acting like my cruel words didn't affect him at all.

God, what's wrong with this kid? I'm mean! Cruel! A bastard! Why do you allow me to treat you like this when you're worth so much more?!

"Ne, Yuki, you've missed me, didn't you?", he asked, hope shining in his big, violet eyes once again. _Yes, I've missed you. I've missed you so much, I don't know how I've manage without you._

It's weird how easier it is to be cruel and selfish, than loving and caring. Humans.

We are weak.

"Damn brat! What makes you think that? You're always such a nuisance. Quit bugging me, and piss off!"

He jumped back, tears finally gathering in his eye corners. "But Yuki…" 

"Just **die **already.", and before I knew it, I raised my hand.

_Take it down! It's not too late! Take it down!! Just tell him you're sorry! Just tell him-_ Too late

I hit him.

I slapped my brat for no reason at all!

I stare at my hand. My cursed, foul hand. The hand that did the awful deed.

Shuichi just stood there, still in shock. He touches his red and swollen cheek, massaging it slightly.

He's not crying. He's not wailing. Damn, he's not even yelling at me!

_Say something! Take him into your arms and tell him you're sorry!_

_It's not too late!_

Yes, it is.

He ran while I was thinking. Good work, Uesugi.

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I screwed up again.

-

After Shuichi ran away, I've just been writing on my novel, thinking he would surely come home later, like he always does.

Still, I forced myself to stay awake in three days, waiting for my lover to return. Of course, I had tried to call him on his phone but he didn't answer. I called Hiro, Tohma and even K, but none of them had seen him.

Along the way, I manage to fall asleep. I just couldn't take it anymore.

…….

When I woke up, and I guess I had been sleeping for two days, there were three messages on the phone.

The first one was from Hiro.

"_Yuki! It's Hiro! Something terrible has happened! Shuichi is in hospital! Get your ass down here, now!"_

It felt like my throat was burning. But the next message was even more disturbing.

"_Yuki, its K. Why didn't you come? Didn't you get the message from Hiro? Shuichi have escaped from the hospital__! Look out for him, okay?"_

My stomach made a somersault. I listened to the last message, and finally I felt terror consume me whole.

"_It's K again. This is serious. Shuichi has tried to drown himself. I managed to get him up from the water, but he ran away again. Please, answer the phone."_

My world almost collapsed because of that sentence. I jumped up from my sitting position and headed to the kitchen to get my car keys, when I saw a note on the table.

With shaking hands, I read Shuichi's last words.

_My dear Yuki._

_I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass all this time. But I just want you to know that I love you, and that I'm doing this for your happiness. _

_I want to finally make you smile._

_L__ove you, always._

_Shuichi._

…

No.

No,nononono.

NO!! 

It was a suicide note.

_Time! There is still time!!__ Stay calm! Like you always are!_

I noticed the ink was still wet, so Shuichi must have been here until some minutes ago.

I ran outside, not bothering to lock the door, and it was in that moment when something almost screamed at me to go up on the rooftop. Like a force.

Force of gravity. He would jump. From...The rooftop? From my appartment? It was surly plausible...

I didn't bother to take the elevator.

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And as I said, I screwed up.

Shuichi stood there, at the edge. His hair was flowing beautifully in the wind, and it looked like he was ready to take the final leap.

…

God, no!

That's not what I wanted!

Please, God! Please let me get there in time.

Let me save him from the fall.

Let me take him into my arms, and cradle him safely. I want to tell him how sorry I am, and how much I love him.

I will tell him I love him. **Yes**, I will!

I promise to take good care of him. To give him everything he desire.

I promise I'll never snap at him again, and certainly never slap him again.

I promise I will comfort him when he's having bad dreams, to never ignore him when he needs something. When he's hurt, I'll be there for him. To dry his tears, and tell him he's needed and loved.

I promise.

Please, don't let me be too late. Just a little bit more!

God, please don't take my brat away.

…..

In slow motion, I saw him jump without a second thought.

There is no God.

* * *

-sob- so sad;; 

I was actually crying when I wrote this.

I've worked so hard on this chapter, hell, I've been staying up all night! So please, tell me how I've been doing so far! I'm from Norway, so english is just my lingua franca. If there is some grammar mistakes, and I'm sure there is a lot, tell me, please.

I'm writing the next chapter now(more like I'm struggling) but please be patient. I know I got my blackmail reviews and all, but I'm so damn slow with the updates--

Forgive me...

Devil's Backbone


	3. What if

Disclaimer: I wish, but sadly I don't own Gravitation. Just the story.

Warnings: M/M, Attempted suicide, angsty and regretful Yuki, ooc.

Seriously, this sucks. I was writing for hours, but this was all I could come up with. And how moody am I? I cried while writing this the whole time, and it's not even that sad.

-mou- I'm in angsty mood….

Anyway, forgive me for ranting. I hope you'll still be able to enjoy this new, although short, chapter.

* * *

Yuki's POV 

-

The waiting room is so white and depressing. The light's too dim and the smell is awful.

I don't want to be here. But I have to.

My crazy baka is behind the door next to me. He's lying inside there, probably still unconscious. And I'm not allowed to go and see him. "Because he needs to rest.", they said. Rest my ass.

I'm still there, in my mind. Right before he jumped. I'm still there.

He didn't scream at all. All I heard was a thud when he hit a car passing by. The car somehow softened his fall, and because of that, he managed to survive. God bless that red Ford.

I think I never have run so fast as I did in that moment.

I rest my head in my hands, trying hard not to cry. I would forever remember.

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-flashback-

Outside, people were gathering around the red car. What the hell! Did they think this was a show? Did they find this exiting? I didn't bother to excuse myself when I pushed the idiots aside, knocking a few off their feet's. I stopped dead track when I saw my little lover.

Yes, he had fallen on the car, but after that he had apparently bounced down on the road, unless the owner of the car had brought him down from the panel himself. The said owner was busy calling for an ambulance. His arms were shaking while holding the phone, and his knees looked like they were about to give in any second. But I didn't care.

I found myself sitting down beside Shuichi's lifeless body. He was so pale. So deathly pale.

I tried to hold him as gently as I could while I was trying to find his pulse. A fear unfamiliar to anything I ever felt before suddenly strikes my heart.

What if he was dead… What if he didn't make it?

What if I'll never be able to hold his lithe body in my arms ever again, or to kiss his lips while he's sleeping. Instead, I would have to visit his grave every single day, and always be reminded that I was partly responsible for the death of my lover. No, scratch that. It would be my fault, and my fault alone.

What if he was dead….

-

No!

He couldn't be dead. I won't allow him to die! He's my only….My only….

Pulse.

I felt beating of his pulse in my fingers. It was very faint, but it was still there.

I turned around to face the owner of the car, who was still shaking frequently. "Did you call an ambulance!", I heard my own voice yell out, only to fail mid-sentence. Damnit! I just hope he understood what I was saying. Apparently he did, because he nodded. "They should be here any minute.", he said almost inaudible, but his eyes didn't leave Shuichi's body.

I turned my head again, and scanned my lover's injuries. He had fallen on his back, so his face and front hadn't been too bruised up. But a great amount of blood was sliding down from his head. I took off my jacket and placed it underneath his head, trying to make him at least somewhat comfortable. I growled in frustration. The people around us were chattering like a bunch of chickens. What the hell were they still doing here? I tried to shield Shuichi as best as I could, and cringed when an annoying voice of a teenager penetrates the air.

"Isn't that Shuichi Shindou and Eiri Yuki?"

I felt my heart thunder against my chest. I had tried to block my face as best as I could, to no use. Now, everyone was even clingier. Damn cockroaches.

Luckily, the ambulance was arriving in this moment. Naturally, I refused to leave Shuichi, so they had to take me with them. I was holding his hand all the way to the hospital while speaking in a soft voice, so unfamiliar my own.

Because this wasn't my voice.

This was the voice of Eiri Uesugi, not Eiri Yuki. Yuki was gone. But I was still him in my own way, and we both had one thing in common.

We have both destroyed a person's life.

Oh my God. I've become just like him.

Unconsciously, I tightened my grip on Shuichi's hand, and didn't release it until I was ordered to, for Shuichi's sake.

Regret is such a terrible, yet beautiful feeling. Terrible, because it feels like your heart will split open any second and leave your body empty and hollow. Beautiful, because it makes you feel like a human.

And I am a human now.

Eiri Uesugi is a human.

* * *

Geez, didn't that take a while-- 

Anyway, hope you liked it. I had to write this chapter in the middle of a writers block. Fun…

And I promised to explain something in this chapter, but….well, I didn't. I will do it in another chapter, just be patient.

Please review. It makes me so happy. And don't be afraid to point out grammar errors :) (-secret wish: to finally have 50 reviews. Ooooooo! I have so many wishes, hehe)

Devil's Backbone


	4. Immobile

Disclaimer: Don't own Gravitation. Never will.

Warnings: M/M, Attempted suicide, mental illness, caring, ooc Yuki, some doctor bashing...

Well, well. Look who's back from the dead!

….

And no-one cares. –snivel-

Anyway, thank you for so many wonderful reviews:) And for those who don't review: Thank you for reading my story anyway. As long as you enjoy it, I'm happy:)

I know I'm critizising doctors in this chapter, but since Yuki hates hospital I can see him hate doctors just as much. I don't have anything against them, honest. Don't flame me for it, please. Flame Yuki if you must...But please don't do that either. I'm using him in my story. Remember: Yuki is going to take care of Shuichi. Who will take care of our adorable brat if Yuki is burned to death?

Now, on to the story.

* * *

Yuki's POV 

-

"Eiri Yuki?", a bald doctor asked.

I raised my head from my hands and glared at the intruder of my thoughts. "My name is Eiri 'Uesugi'", I growled, and felt a thread of satisfaction when I saw the man step back in fear and wonder. He rinsed his voice, and fiddled nervously with some papers when he spoke up again.

"Eiri Uesugi then. I have some news about Shuichi Shindou.

My stomach decided there and then to perform somersaults, and I had to will down the stomach fluids from arise. Not that I have any problem with puking on a doctor, hell, it wouldn't be the first time. But it could wait. No hurry, unless the doctor really wanted to take a shower before the next brain surgery.

Fuck, how can I make a lame joke about something like this now? 

"How is he?" I didn't notice how weak and frail my voice had become until now. Damn, when I just hear a small mention of my brat I turn into a kitty cat. He really does have that influence on me.

The doctor took of his glasses and placed them in the etui, while, in my eyes, taking a snotty, wannabe important posture. What a professional fucker. I love doctors, really, I do…Not.

"The good news is that his condition is stable, meaning he is still alive.", he said, while watching my step warily. But I couldn't care less.

I felt my body become two tons lighter. He's alive. My beautiful baka is alive.

And I will be able to hold him again!

I tried to hold back my tears, but the doctor wasn't finished yet.

"The bad news is that Mr. Shindou's condition is also chronic. His body and mind is under some strange connection, which means his body is paralyzed."

I swallowed soundly. "And? What do you mean?" I felt like crying again, but not from relief this time.

Paralyzed? My brat couldn't move his legs or what? Well, no problem. I can carry him. The idea of holding him close to my body and take care of him 24/7 seemed strangely nice to me.

But the fate is never kind. Not that I believe in fate anyway.

"He's incapable of walking, talking or move in general.", the doctor continued, destroying another one of my hopes.

Now, _my _mind was paralyzed. If possible, my voice became even frailer.

"What do you mean? His body AND mind? Does that mean…", the doctor nodded, finally showing some emotion in his mud brown eyes. He was clearly nervous now.

"But he will be okay, right? It's only temporarily?" I don't understand how I managed to ask that question, but I guess it was inevitable. The doctor sighed, and starts massaging his temples.

"I'm sorry, but only time and the right treatment will decide that."

I wanted so badly to punch something. To kick, scream and show the world my anger. The doctor obviously didn't notice my uneasiness. "Mr. Shindou's parents will come and fetch him tomorrow. There is little we can do for him now. Since he woke up, he has…"

I didn't hear anything else. I ran down the hall like a murder was after my back, with only one thought in my mind.

He is awake. My brat is awake, and it didn't cross my mind before the doctor told me straight out. What kind of a moron am I anyway?

I ran inside the white room where my lover was. The doctors stared weirdly at me, but I didn't care about them.

Shuichi was lying on there on the white bed. Quiet and beautiful, like an angel.

I didn't notice the doctors were trying to get me out of the room, before one particularly rude bastard took my arm and tried to drag me out by force. I pushed him hard aside and glared murderously at the other quacks, daring them to take one step towards me. If looks could kill, then everyone in the room, save my lover, would have been worm food by now.

I grinned in satisfaction when the doctors ran out of the room, and walked over to my little brat.

I sat down by his side, and took his hand in my own. He was so cold, like his eyes. Godamnit, I'm starting to cry now. Fuck. And my mouth is babbling incoherent, comforting nonsense. And I meant every word, in every way.

"Everything is going to be fine." It will be, I promise.

"Just don't give up.", please Shuichi, don't give up.

"I'm here.", and I will always be here.

"I'm so sorry.", I'm sorry. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I pressed my lips to his hand, kissing it softly, showing him how much he means to me. And it was in that moment I could swear I saw his lips quiver slightly.

Did he try to smile? Was he happy?

I wished so desperately that he could hear me and my confession, and feel my lips against his hand.

I want him to know that I'm sorry.

And I want him to know that I love him.

-

I stayed with him whole night, and ignored the doctor's futile attempts at removing me from my lover. Forget it, quacks.

I will never leave Shuichi again.

* * *

YES!!! I'm finally done with chapter four:D Oh, happy day. 

**Note: I'm almost finished with the Christmas story I mentioned. I won't post it as another chapter, but as a new story. It also doesn't have any connection to Mental Illness as I planned. It's my first humorous Gravitation story, so there will be no angst, only fluff, silliness, and a drunken Tatsuha--; Forgive me, fellow angst lovers...**

Anyway, change of subjects. I'm no doctor, so I don't exactly know "what" kind of illness Shuichi has. I found one on the internet which was kinda similar to my description, but I forgot what it was called; And now I can't find the web page…Sheesh, but I hope you don't take it too seriously. In short, he's immobile. That's enough, hehe…I just wanted an excuse to write about a caring Yuki. –sniff-

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Reviews are always nice, you know:) Yup, very nice indeed.

Devil's Backbone


	5. Babysitter wanted!

Disclaimer: You should all know by now… Me no own.

Warnings: M/M, attempted suicide, emotional Yuki, spoiler?? ect.

* * *

Normal POV 

---

Eiri slammed the car door loudly before stomping off to his apartment, cursing for each step. Mizuki was a witch, and should burn in hell for making him stress about his goddamn novel when he had other things to worry about. Of course, after hearing why he was so slow with updating the book (or, slower than usual) she took pity on him and gave him some weeks off.

But that didn't change the fact that she verbally forced him to come to her office.

So, to summarize the situation: Eiri had been forced to leave his immobile lover to someone he didn't like very much. Well, he didn't HATE the exact person, but Eiri didn't think he was reliable at all.

The blonde sighed again for the tenth time that day. He had tried to ask everyone, but…

Hiro and Suguru were busy at work.

Tohma was busy with making Hiro and Suguru work.

Mika was busy with the baby, because Tohma was busy with making people work.

He couldn't ask Shuichi's family either, because he feared they wouldn't give Shuichi back if he left him with them.

And there was no way in hell Eiri would ask the Ryuichi-loving pervert of a brother.

So he didn't have any other choice but to ask the only one with some free time in their book;

Ryuichi himself.

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_Flashback_

_---_

"I'm sorry, but Conan' is taking all my time-" Eiri slammed the phone down, not bothering to let Mika finish the sentence. Damn, everyone was busy, and he had to meet his editor within two hours.

Even though he was a successful writer, he could easily lose his editor's support if he continued like this. And if a rumour about him being a slacker should spread because of that, no one would bother to release his books. And if he didn't release his books, he would get no money to pay for the bills and Shuichi's medication. (although, he doubted that Tohma would let all that happen, but Eiri would refuse to take money from him if the NG president offered.)

So the plan was to awake the frightful woman's inner sympathy. Eiri was sure that if he explained the situation, she would let him off the hook to take care of Shuichi. After all, Mizuki had taken a liking for the pink haired brat herself.

But to do that someone had to take care of Shuichi while he was gone, and everyone he deemed reliable was working. And he didn't want to move Shuichi too much in his current state…

Eiri felt his heart flutter when he thought about his brat.

Shuichi was sitting on the sofa with a white blanket spread over his body, watching Shaman King on the television.

Eiri walked over and sat down on the sofa next to Shuichi, lifting him up on his lap. The brat's bangs were falling down on his face, hiding his empty, violet eyes slightly. The blonde brushed them back, and hugged Shuichi tightly. It was relaxing to feel the small, warm body pulse in his arms, telling him that the owner was alive and still with him.

These moments were almost the only thing that calmed down the grumpy novelist these days.

Eiri groaned when the peace was interrupted by the phone. He swore that if it was Mizuki again, he would force the woman to eat his book.

The blonde placed Shuichi down on the sofa, and walked over to take the peace-breaker.

But he would soon enough whish he hadn't bothered.

"Yuki! Na, na, where is Shu'chaaaaan!" Eiri swore grumpily, and turned of the phone instantly. Damn, the stupid singer had been calling every hour for one whole week until just recently. The blonde believed that Tohma had talked 'him' out of it, but apparently, the kid-singer hadn't been listening.

Eiri's body froze on the spot. What if… 'He' was a friend of Shuichi, and 'he' was a nice person, if not too weird and damn hyper.

And childish.

And almost a danger to human kind.

Eiri swore when he heard the phone ring again.

He was desperate, and this was the only solution he could come up with. He lifted the phone and heard the same annoying voice who had been speaking only a minute ago.

With a deep breath, Eiri answered with a grave, almost dangerous tone.

"Ryuichi, I need you to do me a favour."

* * *

-Conan is the name I gave to Mika and Tohma's baby in this story. I don't know the real name, and I don't know if this count as spoiler or not… I guess we can call it a light spoiler. 

-

Ehehe, I needed to lighten up the mood a bit--; Still, I just wonder how this should end… Happy or sad… Hmm…

Anyway, I hope you like this piece of crap- Uh, I mean fluff… Yeah, fluff…Sorry...

Please inform me about grammar mistakes. (It's so damn difficult without a beta…)

And please review! Omg, so close to 90 reviews! I would never have thought... -sniff- (please excuse the author's pathetic tears)

Devil's Backbone


	6. Crying babysitter

**Warnings: ****Suicide theme, ooc-ness, regretful caring Yuki.**

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've updated. In compensation for your patience, I'll throw in a longer chapter with more Ryuichi, Tatsuah and more Yuki/Shuichi fluff. Hope you like it.

* * *

Ryuichi grinned and babbled while showing Shuichi the newest Nittle Grasper video. It was a tape of the resent concert where they had been performing. The concert stage was bright and colourful, with all kinds of light. Ryuichi's voice was booming over the television, singing their new hit "Lucky Guy".

Shuichi stared transfixed at the television, not looking anywhere but the video. Ryuichi, in his non-changing, positive mind decided to interpret that as a good sign.

Until he heard a mysterious sound.

"Did you hear that, Shu-chan?" Shuichi just stared blankly at the television.

The older singer stood up from the couch, and tumbled over to the window. "Perhaps it's thunder." He smiled childishly, and faced the quiet singer. "What do you think, Shu?"

Shuichi still didn't answer. He couldn't.

If he could, he would have said that the "mysterious" rumbling didn't come from bad weather, but from his stomach.

He was hungry as hell, going without food for several hours.

Ryuichi looked outside the window. It was a clear sky, so where did the sound come from? He turned around, giving the singer on the couch a gentle smile, and walked towards the door. No one was outside.

"Na, this is weird." He scratched his head, and hugged the plush bunny in his arms even tighter. Suddenly, his face became all serious. He dropped the bunny, and walked over to Shuichi, staring deeply into his eyes before grabbing his hands.

"I'm going to protect you." He tightened his hold on the younger singer's hands, still eyeing him seriously.

"I'm going to protect you from the ghosts."

…

If Shuichi could, he would have smashed his head in the table.

Suddenly, his stomach gave another pitiful growl.

Ryuichi surely couldn't have misheard that. He stared at Shuichi's body, and his face changed from being serious to downright terror.

"Could it be that…the ghosts have consumed you!?"

Again, all Shuichi could do was stare, while he really, really wished he could get another chance to jump of the roof.

--

"Thank you for your cooperation." Mizuki rolled her eyes while going through the latest chapter of the love novel Eiri currently was writing. "Your welcome." Eiri didn't miss the sarcasm in her reply. She was almost as good as he was in sprouting sarcastic remarks and answers. She had agreed to let him take a couple of weeks off with full pay. Of course, considering his situation that was to be given. She wasn't heartless, scary but not cruel.

"What's your plan for the future." Eiri cursed. He was _this _close to finally leave and go home to his beloved brat. Leaving Shuichi all alone with Ryuichi left him with a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

"What do you mean?" Mizuki sighed, and placed the new chapter in her drawer. "What are you going to do if he… does not get any better?"

Eiri felt his blood turn ice cold. Even Tohma didn't dare asking him that question.

Mizuki didn't sense the danger, and continued. "What's the point giving you two weeks off if you may spend the rest of your life taking care of him?"

"What are you going to do?" Eiri felt sweat began to form on his forehead. "I don't know." He almost felt ashamed of how his reply lacked the usual bite.

"I can't cover up for you in all eternity you know." She ruffled through some other papers, not looking at novelist.

"I know."

"And your latest project is only half finished. What are you going to do about that?"

"I don't know."

"Your fans are beginning to question your capability to even write decent stories anymore. With all due respect, your characters have been lacking emotions lately.

Eiri gritted his teeth. "I know."

"I… had a chat with Seguchi yesterday."

Oh, no. If she did go _there_-

"Wouldn't it be better for Shindou-kun to stay with his parents…?"

And she did.

Eiri slammed the half open door shut.

"Shut the fuck up!!" He gave her the coldest, most chilling eyes she had ever seen.

Mizuki winced, half expecting him to walk over and punch her. But he did no such thing.

Eiri took a deep breath and straightened out his jacked.

"I will continue writing, I will take care of my idiot, and I will NOT stand here, listening to any more of your so called suggestions you may have discussed with my ever so annoying control freak of a brother in law." He opened the door again and left before Mizuki managed to maintain her ability to speak.

She didn't move for five minutes after he left.

--

Eiri knew he was speeding trough red lights and that his car was going hundred in sixty zones, but fuck that! How dare she talk like that to **him**, one of the best selling authors in whole Japan? Didn't she know that he was the reason behind the company's success? That his books were famous all over the world? What gave her the right to have a little cozy chat with Tohma behind his back? Eiri didn't doubt that his brother in law was scheming something nasty, but to trick his goddamn editor into that…

How low could the man sink!

He parked the car and hurried into the elevator. Damn his nosy brother in law, damn Mizuki and damn his godforsaken book. All he wanted to do was to hug his brat tight, relax on the couch and perhaps watch some tapes of Shuichi's early performances on stage.

When he opened the door to his apartment, he knew the peaceful evening was corrupted.

There, on the floor was Shuichi: surrounded by candles and weird, shrivelled papers. His face was painted blue and red, and he was wearing some strange foreign clothes. Beside him was Tatsuha, reading from a thick book in some strange language. His costume was equally bizarre, and he was burning some kind of stinking incense. The smell was all over the place.

On the couch was Ryuichi, nibbling nervously on his plush rabbit.

Eiri didn't know what to make out of this. He slumped down on the couch next to the older, soon-to-be-dead singer.

"What the hell is going-" Ryuichi placed his hand in front of Eiri's mouth, successfully shutting him up.

"It's soon over, don't interrupt Yuki-kun." He whispered. Eiri didn't have the energy to roll his eyes. He removed the hand from his face, and pretended to be interested in whatever the stupid singer was coming up with.

"Interrupt what?" Ryuichi sighed, and gave the novelist a "duh" look. "The exorcism, of course."

And he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Eiri stared at him, wondering if he now got two demented singers in his apartment. "Ghost?"

"Shut up, bro. I'm almost finished!" Tatsuah yelled at him, annoyed by the interruption. Eiri stared at his younger brother.

Make it two demented singers, and one disillusioned, also soon-to-be-dead monk.

"Ghost?" he whispered, playing along with the less intelligent species in the room. Ryuichi nodded.

"Me, Kumagoro and Shu-chan heard a scary noise. It didn't come from outside, but from Shuichi's body, and since it was such a weird noise I'm sure it was a ghost! You know, a person who hasn't found peace in this world to continue to the afterlife." Eiri nodded, feeling how tired his body was. "And since it came from Shuichi's stomach, I came to the conclusion that." He paused for dramatic effect. "That Shu-chan's body is taken over by a spirit!"

Eiri massaged his head. Yup, there comes the migraine. Join the party!

"Weird noise you say?" The singer nodded.

"Like… Like a weird growling." Eiri rested his hands on his lap.

"From his body?" Ryuichi sucked on the bunny's ear for some second before answering. "From his stomach me and Kumagoro thinks."

The migraine was getting more painful.

"Did you feed him?" Eiri felt anger arise when the singer yet again sucked on the bunny's ear, making it wet with drool.

"Feed?"

Eiri began the countdown.

10

9

8…

"DID YOU GIVE HIM ANY FOOD!" So much for keeping his anger in check.

Ryuichi fell down from the couch, tears leaking from his big eyes. "I, I thought…"

"Hey, don't yell at him like that!" Tatsuah dropped the book and moved from the spot he had been standing the last two hours to help the older singer up on his feet. Eiri slammed his fist down the table, making another two people scared out of their wits.

"All I asked was for _you_ to take care of Shuichi for five measly hours!" He didn't care that the singer was crying his eyes out, or that Tatsuah was trying to calm him down. He continued.

"What the hell goes through your mind? Do you exist just to make Shuichi look intelligent!?"

"Hey!" Eiri fixed his angry eyes on Tatsuah, whose glare could match that of his brother. "Leave him alone! He only did what he thought was best for Shuichi!"

"To do what's best for him? I don't know about you, but to deny him food and call a fucked-up fake monk to perform exorcism on him is not _my _definition of 'care for someone's wellbeing'!" Now Ryuichi was wailing loudly, sobbing out "I'm sorry" and "I didn't mean it."

Eiri took a deep breath, and pointed at the door.

"Get out, before I'll say something I _really _am going to regret." Tatsuah glared at him one final time, before leading the crying Ryuichi out.

He even dropped the still wet Kumagoro on the floor, leaving the poor plush bunny there to make a small pond on the carpet.

Eiri felt how sore his throat was. Another painful feeling added to his body. He knew he had to clean up the mess they had made, but damn his head was killing him.

He blew out the candles, and picked up the papers. That's when he noticed how Shuichi was shivering. His face was hidden behind a mop of pink hair, and his body was rocking back and forward. Eiri sat down beside him, and gently pushed away the pink looks from the singer's eyes.

And he felt his heart stop dead in his chest.

Trails of tears were falling down Shuichi's face, down his nose and his mouth. His dead eyes were glistering with water.

The novelist cursed himself. How stupid could he get? Yelling like that, slamming his hand down the table. He had scared his poor brat half to death.

He gently tried to wipe some of the tears away, but Shuichi winced like being struck once he touched his cheek. Eiri felt like sobbing himself.

He carefully tried to lift Shuichi up without making him any more frightened than he already was. He hugged him tight, letting him cry on his shoulder. Sweet whispers were the only sound in the apartment, beside some occasional sobs from the scared singer.

"I'm sorry." Eiri kissed the mop of hair, and smelled Shuichi's unique odour. It was the only thing that smelled good, since the incense was still burning.

"I'm sorry."

The peaceful evening was indeed corrupted. But Eiri couldn't help but think that it was not all in vain. Even though he hated himself for scaring his brat like that, it was the first time Shuichi had showed any kind of emotion since the incident.

When Shuichi finally calmed down, he placed the younger singer on the couch, rubbing his back soothingly before walking over to the fridge.

Perhaps it was a good sign.

* * *

It was at least a little longer… And don't worry; Yuki will have some more apologizing to do. It killed me to write the scene where he yelled at Ryuichi…

Poor Ryuichi...

Please post a little review. Was good? Bad? In between? Bad grammar? Stupid theme? Obvious character reactions? Do the author ramble to much? And does she keep using too big words for her to understand?

Give me a note. I will hail reviewer number one hundred.

"Long live reviewer number one hundred!"

…There. I did it. (Sorry, my humour stinks. It's 6:43 in the morning, and I've been sitting up all night writing this. My humour smells more than Tatsuah's incense at this point. Ugh…

Okay, I'm finished. I'll try to update faster this time. Reviews may help.

Devil's Backbone.


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